Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
