Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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