he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
