i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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