I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize