I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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