can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
