Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
