I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
