fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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