This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
