Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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