Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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