I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
