Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
