just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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