We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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