Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
