afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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