I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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