We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
