omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
