HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
