Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
