u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I need moral support for this bender
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
