I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
