I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
