maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
