I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
