You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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