well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
