It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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