You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
