Welp...herpes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
