and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
