fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize