omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I want a musical about memes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
