He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They took my balls.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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