every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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