She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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