Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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