And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
