nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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