Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
