Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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