I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
