so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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