I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
