I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize