he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
