Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
