I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he puts the penis in happiness.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My dick has a subreddit
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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