tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
