She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
