I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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