Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
