are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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