So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
