What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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