How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
