can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
