i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
