Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
