I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
