I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
