Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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