so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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