I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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