you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That accounts for only three of the penises
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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