and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
