We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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