The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
