sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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