Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
