i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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