Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
