so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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